First day of school tomorrow

Hi, everyone! I am not looking forward to school opening tomorrow. To be honest, I am quite scared because of the stress I am going to have when there are a lot of projects coming up. Also, I am actually scared of being alone but through Poly life, I learnt a lot of things. First of all, I learnt to be independent and not rely on others as I find myself not trusting anyone. Also, I learnt to not care about what others think of me even though its hard to do that since there is a application which we use it often and is Whatsapp. In addition, I learnt to be strong no matter what pulls me down in life after a phase of darkness in Year 1. Year 1 was not as amazing as I thought but was a past that I wouldn't want to go back. I developed depression in Year 1 as I was sort of being isolated by my classmates especially girls. I was always sitting alone in class with every girls squeezing together and none want to sit beside me which hurts me a lot. That feeling of loneliness, isolation, afraid of people judging me were overwhelming and my heart was empty. The point towards life was dark and I couldn't see a light in the tunnel. In projects, I was constantly afraid people will isolate me and create another whatsapp group with me being excluded. I have a feeling of people disliking me in school and afraid people will judge me. As a 17 year old teenager, I cope with emotions very badly and now I am trying to be open and not let it affect me but sometimes it is hard. I feel like I am deceiving myself if I said I am fine. I am not good with talking and words but music somehow helps me through all the tough times.

The journey was not easy and I managed to cross it but I am still afraid of being alone and the work I am going to face when school reopen. I am so scared and not ready for anything. I am always living in fear that people will not like me and I have to please everyone. I always put on a smile which I know in myself that it is fake but actually deep in my heart, I am not happy but a broken lost girl.

Sometimes in life, not everything seems to go in our ways. It may seems easy, but trust me, the path is tough and rough. To get through it, it requires a lot of strength and patience. Too many things have happened in my life and it makes me hard to trust anybody, I guess I lose that trust in existence anymore.