Messed up life

These days I have been feeling really sad and sensitive. Have you ever feel like your life is a joke? A messed up joke? Because my life is becoming one of that or it has already became. I am sorry for all the mistakes I made as I tend to be a bit annoyed or agitated when someone didn't do it correctly or didn't listen to what I say. When job is done incorrectly, I will tend to feel angry or disappointed but I wont scold others, maybe use a serious and annoyed tone. I tend to cause others feel annoyed at me and ignored me. I am impulsive by nature and I am reflecting and changing that part of me. Its hard trying to change my other part of character but I am trying. Whenever I feel down, I will tell my closest friend I made in new class and it turns out that nowadays, I message her and she didn't reply to all my messages. I wanted to call her or message her whats wrong...or did I do anything to upset her..but I cant seem to do that. I guess I am a coward but I feel really sad that even my closest friend I made in new class is doing the ignorance thingy to me. I guess my teacher is right..I am really a troublesome kid...I am running away from the old class due to isolation..judgment..I am really useless..I really cant work along with group mates...I am weird...these are the words my teacher said to me..: you cant work with others..hence  you join new class..and such things happen again...I need to ask others' opinions as I cant trust you with your side of story. These words strike my heart deeply...I thought I feel deep pain last time...with her words, it hurts............. I feel the real pain. I feel that I am burden to everyone around..maybe its better if I leave this world. For the better... I cant work with others, knowing I have high expectations of myself. I cant call to clarify doubts... I complain to teacher everytime I feel that something is wrong in project. I have burdened my troubles with them. I should stop all that now.....






Sometimes I have to put on my mask to pretend everything is fine when it is not. Deep down, I feel miserable and conscious of my actions. Maybe its my fault? Maybe she knows I complain to teacher about the other group mates? Maybe she knows I give her average score? I think a lot and wanted to talk to her about my thoughts. But I have to pretend I am alright but deep down, I want to cry and break down.



I really don't no what to say..but I am really depressed and sad. I want to give up on life.