Feelings

Hi,everyone! Today I will be talking more about judgmental, bullying and depression. I know many people are facing it in the world and tbh, I am facing it also. In the society, I realized many people are judgmental about someone else looks. I feel that just because someone who doesn't look good doesn't mean someone else should say mean things about him/her. It doesn't make her/him feel good as this will hurt them deeply. Calling her/him nerd, does it make you feel good? It makes you look bad too. Everyone has their own natural beauty, no one is ugly. Why cant people stop with the comments? I got this inspiration from my friend and Demi lovato. Does looks matter much? I mean its okay if you want to be with a guy who looks handsome but don't insult anyone's face. I feel unjustified for them. Nobody should say mean things that hurt other people's feelings as feelings are fragile. No one should say something that causes them to degrade themselves because words are powerful and strong. Some people may not know how much effect words affect a person but it really does affect a lot to one person's soul.

Another topic is bullying. Why will someone bully another person? Do you feel happy doing it? Bullying will cause a person to be depressed. He/She will constantly live in a world full of darkness and everyday is like a nightmare to them. They will live in a world full of fear and sadness. Why will you be the cause of her/him misery? I do hope some people will empathize with their feelings and put yourself in their positions. How will you feel if you are the one being bullied?

Last topic is depression. I know coping with depression is hard because I have been through it before. That fear of being alone and crying makes me feel like im having bad days everyday. I don't dare to eat and I feel like im not worthy. People talking behind my back and hurtful comments pierces my soul. Who can mend the broken soul? People calling me deaf when I don't talk to people in my Primary school days. It Hurts my heart terribly and people leaving me alone, lies and all...It was hard for me. Afraid people will judge me....people will see me what a rubbish I am. Crying makes things worse but I cant control the tears that come down my face. No one will understand that feelings, even your close friends.

Hence, I find it hard to trust anyone now. Im sorry this post is kinda sad, but I want to address the issue that if anyone out there is feeling the same way as me, stay strong. Because you are worth everything in the world.

Thanks for reading the post. Do support. :)

My Best Friend

Hi, today my post is going to be about my best friend, Evangel. She is the sunshine girl who smiles a lot and I love her that much.

I remembered the first time I met her was during the open house for my school ambassador club and she sat next to me, talking to me. At that time, I was feeling a bit lonely and scared, but she came along and gave me her amazing smile. She is outgoing, constantly making others feel at ease and happy. I am one of them. To be honest, I am a girl who has dark past also and felt really insecure and lonely. She makes me feel alive and happy. She didn't know she has that effect on others but she really is an Angel to me.

However, this year, I realized her darkest secret behind her amazing smile was a broken girl. She went to hospital for checkups on her mental health and I was stunned when she told me that. She is just a 18 years old teenage girl with a dark past, similar to me and committed suicide a few times but it didn't succeed. And as for now, she is relying on her medicine. Recently, I heard that she was admitted to hospital for observation.

To be honest, I was feeling very sad as though is me in her position. I kept thinking of how to help her overcome this obstacles. I knew how is it like to feel suffocated and wanting to end my life because I had been in that position before. I did cut myself before once when I was quarrelling with my mom, even now I had that small scar on my hand. I always wanted to help others because I feel that as a human living in this world, I wanted to help as many people as I can to alleviate their problems or sufferings. I felt the way many people feel, sadness, sorrow, pain, loneliness etc. Maybe even more than what you think a 18 year old teenage girl could feel.

Evangel, if you are reading this..let me tell you my whole story.

I was a girl who was born with autistic and I was not a normal child since I was born. When I was young, I didn't communicate or talk to the kids of my age as I went to childcare centre. The teachers there found it weird and told my parents to bring me to see a doctor who can fix my mental illness. Nobody could find out what is the real underlying reason to me not talking to anyone, even my parents. I couldn't go to normal school as teachers in the normal school said that I had problem and should be in a special school. But luckily I didn't. Thank God. My mom will bring me to childcare centre and let me stay there for many hours. As a young girl who did not talk to people, boys of my age constantly bullied me and I remembered there was a time where the boys threw the floor dirt at me and I did not cry because I was autistic. I couldn't feel anything at all. I was a girl who had lots of problems and I failed all my exams badly. My mom caned me before as I couldn't concentrate. My mind was a blank space and as though my soul flies away from my body. But it was music who saved me and brings my soul back to life. I started recovering when I was in Primary 5. And always had that dream of standing on stage, performing and singing. I guess my dream kinda succeed partially.

So evangel, do not feel that you are the only one facing such problem. I am with you always. To me, you are that perfect girl who constantly makes me smile. Please be strong and think positively. You are awesome to me and I will always be there for you if you need me.

Please do not suicide or think of negative thoughts that could end your life. Because if you do, I will stop breathing the day you do. So please be happy and overcome the obstacles because I know you can do it. You can talk to me always as I will be online on Whatsapp for you.

Be happy because you are worth everything to me. Be healthy.





I will keep in contact with you often and do update me. Evangel, thanks for being there for me. Stay Strong! I will be praying for you.

Sad lyrics written by me

im sad....

This is a song written by me:

Beautiful memories in my mind
Shattered into pieces
All choices to go
Demons calling in my head
Calling me to hell
Memories flash by like lightning
Hole in my heart cannot be fixed
Hurt filled up in my vacant heart
I feel for my Dad
I don't no what to do

Blood runs through my wrists
Cutting seems to be the only way out
Am I feeling alright
Maybe I am, maybe not?
Who are you to judge
Do you know me?
Mask covering my pain I faced
Who can understand
Who can save me from hell

im alone,sitting on the floor
Can I give up my life
Tears streaming down my face
That is the real me
A warrior who is broken on the inside
Im not perfect
Scars everywhere
Heaven is my home
Don't find me
im gone
No one will know me

Broken pieces of my family
Drown in my darkness
Im gonna fall down
Coming down,down down
Struggling in a small corner of my room
A messed up family
Cant seem to fix it
What can I do?

A sudden feeling to write such a sad song. I am not sure if is a song or diary, but im really sad. :(

Fashion in the month of August

Hi,everyone!
Im back! I will be sharing with you my recent favourite outfits. Some of the outfits are inspired by Chrissy Costanza in Against the Current.

The first outfit is:

Although this outfit is simple, but it is super comfortable. You can pair this outfit with a pair of sneakers or boots. Simplicity is beautiful.
It will look something like this:

For me, under the hot weather, I will often wear this to school.

Another outfit is:


I hope it gives you some inspiration on what to wear to school or partying.

Finding what to wear can be hard but simple clothing like this will solve your problem. You can wear this anywhere for certain events and school. Everyone has different sense of fashion and I like to be as simple as possible.

Side track: Support Against the Current!!! I love them so much!!!
My next blog post will probably be after my exams as im currently having exams for next 2 weeks. Next post will be about my singing cover which is coming out and I will write more about my music journey for past few years. So do look out and stay tuned! Thanks everyone for reading this post! :)